This should be a collection of late night thoughts. I read a book of a genre that Sofie recommended to me and I honestly feel disgusted with myself. I don't feel ok and all I want to do is to cover my arms with ink and just hide. I wish I didn't have something after school tomorrow. I want to be alone in my own world as I marvel at the ok relationships in this world. I don't feel good. I'm supposed to be about 1/3 of the way dine with my journal entries which means that I should be at about 12 blog posts by now. This is my ninth. Yet I feel that some of my earlier ones are really long. Like very long. Extremely long. I still don't feel ok with myself but I don't know what I really can do about it. I would be ok if Sofie hadn't recommended reading that genre. If only I hadn't listened. Maybe she's a little. I'm just saying I would support her but I myself don't feel ok after reading that. I know I'm being very vague but bear with me here. We had the first GSA meeting today and I was a bit late but I was honestly surprised to see Dubem there. I'm not good, I'm not an ok person to myself anymore. I'm a disgusting, overwhelming, and creepy a-hole. I think that's the worst I've said to myself before. I think it's true though and I'm not ok right now. I have a lot to write out yet for the blog over all and for this entry. Actually I feel that this entry is of a decent length. Tip: Want to hate me for who I am? Read a DDLG book. It's not who I am but it'll make you utterly disgusted with who I am.
Bye for now. Hopefully ever.
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I really need to be journaling/blogging more. I've been falling behind recently . I think I'm supposed to have around 35 entries at the end of the quarter and I'm only at 7. I've been listening to Shawn Wasabi recently. Not really, just mostly today. I feel pathetic. Why can't I ever go to sleep until it's after 12:00? Why do people like me? How is my sense of humor appreciated? I'm constantly pushing the boundaries of others and being serious at the same time. I don't understand myself, what am I doing on earth? I should have been one of the children to die already. I dont know why I'm even still living. Why was I born? Was I meant to be someone else? I didn't ask to live. I don't really know if I want to live anymore. I'm sorta tied of life. I'll never fully understand my best friend, I've ruined my life with neediness, I'm always complaining, I'm pretty selfish, I'm unreasonable, uncaring, disrespectful, and that's just the start of why I'm not even a good person. I'm not perfect, I'll never be. Always too fat, too annoying, perfect isn't even on my list of unattainable things. It's not on the list of attainable things. It's not on my lists because I know that the sheer idea of being a perfect/good person just depresses me more. I'm way to sensitive and get easily pissed at people. These aren't things that I'm complaining about because I want attention, I want someone to be that person who's there to uplift me every night when I'm crying. I'm such a selfish brat. I wrote love is love on my arm today. I think it's pretty cool but my opinions aren't valid. I know it's a powerful message though. To bad the message is outshadowed by depression and hate. Bye for now, I'm not going to cut today, there's no scissors in my room.
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AuthorHey y'all, this is really emo. It's also really old. I'm in high school now, so if you're reading this, please stop, as it's very cringy. I'm 14 now, by the way. Archives
September 2018
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